One guy once sang and said that "sometimes in life you feel the fire is over and it seems that the writing is on the wall". That's the way I was feeling this morning and trust me it felt wack.

But all in all I reported to work early today (applause!) and there was no jam like most times. Hope tomorrow too will be the same.

Am surfing in a different place today, since our main cable is down and I can't seem to trace the probelm and these guys here (who should be assisting me) don't even what to help me. So I guess the best thing to do is to look for a place to surf.

I have been busy, but the good thing is that I have been able to finish most of the work I was doing.

Earier during the day I had a confrontation with the administrator, concerning the issue of the class. I told her my reasons for not wanting the class and she went on to tell me how I don't like doing what she tell me to do and I always argue with her...(How pple forget).

Actually I bet the reason she does this is because she knows am easy to manipulate and she can always get away with it. But I think Its a high time I made my needs know and respected. For that class meant I I having to rearrange my time schedule. If that was not enough she has been complaining that her machine has not been working well (I checked it out and most of the problems were as her result).So I told her to wait since I was working on another machinnes, which were of greater priority. Well she went and called the newspaper guy and told her I didn't want to work on her machine (this woman..yes she is).

We got paid today (After being made to wait that long ...but thanks God) so I have fare to bring me to work.

Last evening I went to see James (I know I promised not to do this..but I promised him a book which I had to take). So I ended up wasting time there, instead of listening to Pastor chuck. And guess who I met on my way there David!

So far am just grateful to God for everything and for the day.

Goodnight.

Since morning I have been trying to whats in my things to do list and funny enough I seem to enjoy it and am almost through with most of the work I have always been procastinating to do.

The administrator (yes we are still on speaking terms and I pray It remains that way)wants to give me a class to teach, but I don't. I already have another class, which I can't wait to be over so I can move on to other things. On top of that I have other things am doing on of them 'trying' to maintain these machines and at the same time 'finding' time for myself.

When I tried to tell her this, she was like "You don't like doing what I tell" and "this is part of your duties too". For her info, teaching isn't part of my duties since I still have my job description and no where on it have I been told that I will be teaching. I pray that we will not start arguing with each other, and we all know who will end up winning and the other feeling the loser.

Am still trying to find so order and direction in my life right. Even in the midst of all the confusion, disappointments and segregation (I lacked a better word to use there). But I learned that this is the best time for one to know and hear what the Lord is saying; for one guy once said that,"It's hard to hear the Lord with all the 'partying' going on".

Hope some sanity will prevail in all thats happening around and there will be a happy ending somewhere.

I watched a very nice programme last night despite all that happened. I enjoyed it to the extent of stopping myself from crying at some scenes. And the funny thing is that It was a soap. (How strange...I think am starting to dot)

Take care.

What can I say:

Its a new week, a new day and a new opportunity especially after the all not-nice weekend we were looking forward too.

Funny enough nowadays I don't look forward to weekends Like before, since all of the have acquired this pattern of I always getting lonely and hurt at the end.

On sunday went to hope center, the sermon was good but I ended up feeling all secluded, alone and angry. I thought church was supposed to be place where you feel welcomed when the world seems to reget you, happy when inside you is just sadness and true friends when there are longer pple to trust anymore.

As for me that was the opposite, since whenever I go there I end up feeling as the outcast, the guy who is not wanted and I feel it will be difficult for me to fit in. Right now am thinking of quiting DC and joining Hope, but after what I went thro' on sunday I wonder whether its worth it. I know DC has become a routine for me and I never wanted that to happen but I think its time I moved on since church is the last place I want to be routine for me.

But When I imagine the likes of Brian (and His group) being there, not forgetting some pple in my past who hurt me. I wonder whether am prepared for such and encounter. Yesterday there was a fun day for the youth there (trust me I needed some fun in my life at that particular moment), but the thought of seeing those guys made m freak out and I just left.

So I decided to go to DC, to see whether I would get any consolation but what I found there was more justtification for me leaving.

All in all the weekend did come to an end (but I know all this will not be for long) and when I looked back at the day as I lay in bed I was still the lonely Guy I had been earier.

NB:30TH POST

Honestly I don't know whats happening but I didn't get to finish all that I had planned and set out to do today. Reason? I have been distracted by trying to accomplish other things and helping pple who instead gave me a 'kick-in-butt' as a way of saying thanks.

I went to help some guys do some maintenance in a school nearby, thus leaving that which I was supposed to do (the things i do!). But the good thing is that I enjoyed working there since it was an Only Girl's school and I was Like the only guy there so all the attention was focussed on me. I actually enjoyed the short-lived stardome if you can put it that way.

Am now back at the office trying to finish the things I had written down on my things-to-do list. I have already cancelled a few since they can't be done now. But Hope to be through with the rest.

Went to nav's met hezborn, update the machines, wanted to swim but the water was too cold.

Most of the guys have already left, heard newspaper guy and mr.bureau are enjoying themselves in a local pub but thats not my style.

All in all I want to thank God for the Day, what He has enabled me to accomplish, the places I have gone too and above all His love and steadfast mercy upon me. My prayer is that tomorrow I will have a nice day and He will reign supreme above all.

Post you later.

When loneliness over takes us,
Abandoned we may feel.
May feel that we are all alone,
And tears we can't conceal.

It's time like this to remember,
That we are not alone.
We can take comfort in knowing,
God sees us from His throne.

He promises to be with us,
God's promises are true.
He said he'd never forsake us,
These words we can cling to.

He's with us through all the good times,
With us through the bad.
Is there when we are joyful and,
Whenever we are sad.

We can lean on God's promises,
When loneliness we feel.
He will let us feel His love and strength,
And joy that is so real!

Hang In There!!

There may be days when you get up in
the morning and things aren't the way
you had hoped they would be.

That's when you have to tell
yourself that things will get better.

There are times when people
disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must
remind yourself to trust your own
judgments and opinions, to keep your
life focused on believing in yourself!

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right
direction for you. It may not be easy at times,
but in those times of struggle you will find a
stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only
help you to find the goals that you know are
meant to come true for you!

Keep Believing in Yourself!!!

The lord has really been gracious, His love has kept me strong even when there was no ounce of strength in me to 'run' or even 'walk' any more.

His work in me has required me to loss, gain, give-up and surrender lots of stuff in me, it wasn't and hasn't been easy but all I know and am sure of is that it will "all work for the good" of me.

I have really not been doing that which He wants of me, and most of this has been as a result of me looking at what I can do and depending on my strength and intellect instead of Him and His strength.

I have messed up big time even when I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing what I was doing and most of the times it I who took myself there even with the knowledge that I wasn't supposed to.

Thats why like David am asking Him to "Purge me with hyssop" and to "create in me a clean heart" and not "to take His holyspirit away from me". Am also asking Him to "restore unto me the Joy of His salvation" (no wonder I have been depressed and sad of late) and "annoint me with His oil of gladness"

I know there will be alot to go through in my choosing to trust in Him and in being His child. But one thing I know and am sure of is that "He didn't bring me this far to leave me" and as long as I choose to obey Him, Trust in Him and be in Him, He "will never leave me nor forsake me".

Thus like Paul "I press on to the mark that has been laid before me" with perseverance and determination not with my own strength but with His and His counsel, provision and grace upon my life.

Amen

Sometimes when we are all grumpy and angry, is just that we are reminded by circumstance of our weakness, failures and dark spots in our life, which in most cases don't want to go away.

Hope you understand.

Bringing the Dolls

Two dolls in rags and tatters,
one missing an arm and a leg,
the other blind in one eye—
I grabbed them from her arms,
“No,” I said, “they cannot come.”

Each tight luggage
I had packed
only for the barest need:
No room for sentiment or memory
to clutter loose ends
my stern resolve.
I reasoned, even a child
must learn she can’t take
what must be left behind.

And so the boat turned seaward,
a smart wind blowing dry
the stealthy tears I could not wipe.
Then I saw—rags, tatters and all—
there among the neat trim packs,
the dolls I ruled to leave behind.

Her silence should have warned me
she knew her burdens
as I knew mine:
her clean white years unlived
and mine paid.
She battened on a truth
she knew I too must own:
When what’s at stake
is loyalty or love,
hers are the true rights.
Her own faiths she must keep, not I.

What I can say today, a part from the fact that am extremely tired, exhausted and drained.

I have been working since morning, and this involved moving up and down (like crazy), carrying machines, being called here, there and everywhere at the same time, repairing machines and doing so many other stuff that I can't get the time to go into right now.

But all in all I thank God for it, for as someone once said, It just shows that you have a job, you are healthy and you are loved (Honestly thats true.).

Well that doesn't mean that the day didn't have its ups and downs. One of which I will mention today.

I was doing an installation, which I noted couldn't continue since I need to add more memory onto the machine. So I decided to go to the technical department and borrow some memory so that I could finish the installation then return.

When I got there the front desk is manned by a lady who will refer to as "miss:IwishIwasamodel". To begin with our relationship hasn't been good considering that I don't like her pretence and the way she carries herself (miss:goodygoody. So when I asked her if I could get memory, she reacted in a way that "can't you see you are disturbing me" and "what do you want now". To cut the story short, She told me she doesn't have the memory (liar)and refused to give me the memory.

All in all I trully thank God for everything and for the friends I have. Davy wrote mail together with Lydia which really made me happy.

The flower

The flower that once was at bloom
Is now fading.

The flower that was once pure
Is now polluted

The flower that was once desire
Is now contempt

But the flower still is a rose.

ALL

All that was in longer there
All that's left seems to have been taken away
All that's left is none but me.

Nothing much to say or complain about. Just that I managed to arrive to work on time today (in fact the MD came to congratulate me...)

My prayer is that I will keep up with it and get him (the MD) out of my back for a while. Since yesterday he had a 'good' time of quarrelling me on why I have been late for the past few days .

Today I really don't think I will extend beyond this time since I have alot to attend to (david wants me to go and format his machine..) and I wanted to pass by compassion since I didn't go there in the morning .

Am sure davy will feel so sad since I wasn't able to go and watch the movie with him (but I you a million he will not even think about me leave alone remember..)

The day has been a blessing and my prayer too is that the Lord will show Himself strong even as we move on to the end of the day. I thank Him for the strength and peace and I pray that His favour will continually shower upon me.
amen.

ISN'T IT TRUE

"At times we try to run away from things that bring us pain and sorrow but funny enough after doing all the running and panting we discover that we are running from ourselves."

Sometimes the only place to look is upwards when all thats below and before us seems not to offer any solutions

He said, She said:

10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

8) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen.'

6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written just below it: "I do not."

5) He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

4) Priest said... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'

3) He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

2) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the Hallway light on.

and the number 1 "He said...She said"..

1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

I have been having a "you don't know what you want: feeling today and a sudden melancholic feeling which I have no idea where it came from.

I really want to embrace something thats new and not a routine, but I learned that its thro' the routine that we learn discipline and diligence. And for us to move on we must first of all learn the lesson that was prescribed to us before we can move to the next step or stage

There are time when I wish I had wings and I would fly away from all this and be at peace even if its for a few days. The turmoil and confusion within seems to be get more by the day and the feeling of dispair seems to be your constant companion.

But all in all I thank God for the day and all that He has enabled me to accomplish and even for that I didn't manage to accomplish. May His name be praised.

I was checking my mails and someone decided to send me this mail showing how the definition of a friend seems to change as we grow up:

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary hall.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the Math homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick [or Glenn] or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college /university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you hadthese past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person,and most importantly loves you!

First and foremost let me begin by really thanking God for this day. the chance to be here, for the health, strength, abilities to do what am doing and most of all for Him and what He has done in my life.

Lots happened over the weekend and the previous week but its gone now and all I can do is learn from the mistakes I did, appreciate the successes and thank God for everything.

My heart today goes out to Solo (a good friend and brother) whose mum passed away last week and was buried on friday. It really is saddening since I didn't know anything about it and I wasn't there for him. Yesterday I took time to pray for him and ask God to give him strength as he goes through this. For am sure he has lots of questions in his heart right now (who won't) but I pray that God keeps him safe.

Today I got a message from laz, saying how disappointed and angry he is with pple here at the office for not taking saturday duties with the seriousness it deserves. To begin with I always ask for permission from the administrator and I make sure I come here and leave as late as I can to compensate for the time lost. Am sure its robert (the guy in charge of security here) who has been feeding him with this info.

Yesterday was such a bore but I got to go to church at Hope (Name of the church) and I have really been thinking of relocating there, although I know am scared to do so. Reason? Let me not start explaining now. But all I can say is that Brian was there together with the votaris Group but I didn't go to greet them (I left before time....okay I didn't feel like)

Went to coregroup against my heart's desire but all in all I can say I tried to enjoy myself.

Had an argument with mum later that evening (some domestic issues) and I really feel annoyed by her.

This is all I can say for now, untill my next post God bless.

All I can say is that today has been quite an interesting day, I had fun (what happened to me was fun...) and am tired.

All I want to do rigth now to to go home.

If fred you are reading this, I will still catch you.

post you all later.

Today I have doing major changes as far as my passwords, usernames and blog addresses are concerned.

Since was necessitated as a result of fred discovering my blog and actually reading some of my posts, which I had made (this is disastrous)

I went to town today (after a very long time) and so far nothing much has changed and so has my attitude towards it (I don't miss going back). Actually the main reason was to buy shoes, which am happy to say I bought. This gave me the opportunity of passing by solo's place (he wasn't there and the shop was closed)and betty's place (she wasn't there either), wonder whats happening.

So having bought shoes means I will have to look for more money to supplement what I have spent, but all in all I thank God for the shoes for I know they are a gift from Him.

This place is almost deserted, since almost has gone to the field but I think the main reason is due to the fact that its on a Friday.

In the morning I missed my bus but I got to the office on time (yes I did and am proud of it).

Tomorrow is on a saturday, and if God wills I will be going to compassion first before coming back here. My prayer is just that the day will be a blessing and turn out well.

I saw in the papers that they are adversting for an intake in the school I wanted to go to, I had already and now I wonder whether I should apply again. This thing has really been bothering me but I think I need to stop and let God just take care of it, for as much as I try to do it on my own I don't see myself getting anywhere.

So thats what is there to say.

LIFE CONTINUES

Yesterday was a holiday here and I got the opportunity to be away from the office, computers and some pple here for a change and do something different too (okay different to some extent..).

The holiday gave me an opportunity to do some cleaning around the house (trust me it was messy..) and most of all arrange my books, which for a long time have been scattered around the house.

Later I did my ironing, I had so much clothes to iron (three weeks procatinated ironing) that I had to leave some for another time. This also gave me the chance to visit my nephews and niece who I hadn't seen for quite some time and I was really missing them, especially the youngest who is around five years old (she really made my day).

The holiday was indeed a break from the hustle and bustle
of day to day as it has been evident from my previous posts. Since alsogotto watch some programmes on T.V. I hadn't watched for quite some time now (honestly the holiday was worth taken)

Did I mention I went to Joshua's house on yesterday evening? Oh yes I did! for I had to take the cables I was terminating for him. I walked all the way there (its far I tell you...but a nice thing to do once in a while) and I found him coming in as I was knocking at the door. Had a small chat and later left.

On my way to Joshua's house I met david and james coming from God knows where and funny enough I noticed something with James when I mentioned I was going to office (as though he wasn't happy. But had a small chat with david who wanted me to help him with a machine that was infected with a virus (what are friends for I ask!)

Before I forget on my way back home I passed by sudi's place(courtesy call)and later went back home (woa I really do walk...)

So now its back to work, was late in the morning (don't have enough strength to explain), found the usual faces but today am praying to God to give strength, wisdom and favour to see me thro' the day.

So with that let me sign out.