EXPLANATION

Went to compassion today, and learnt that they are serious about departing me from the sponsorship program since according to them "I have reached the maturity age hence am old enough to be departed". Honestly I don't know what to say about all this since if asked I can't see what I have gained or is worth looking back at for all the 13 years I have been there. Am leaving not having gotten into the LDP program, which means I have to look for an alternative means of funding my university education. I don't have a clue where to begin and am left in the dark wondering what my next step will be.

Am tired of wishing things had happened differently and blaming myself for having not been forceful enough to have this matter sorted out early enough. But I wonder whether the guilt and the pain will go away especially now my time there is coming to an end.

If that isn't enough am starting to feel empty and hollow (I couldn't get the words to express what am actually going through) towards my life, my time here, home, so called friends, my future and where I want to go and what I want. I don't know what to think any more and I don't even have the strength to encourage myself anymore. Am back to the point where my life feels like a routine and I do what others want me or tell me to do. I myself don't even know what I want to do and the self motivating factors aren't there anymore.

Last night I was asking myself whether my decision not to take up the job offer by moha was the right thing to do, or was it God opening another door for me in order to move out of this place before something happens. Of late I have been wondering what this place holds in store for me and how long do I want to stay in this place. And to be honest the more I think about it the more I get distressed and have headaches and heartaches.

I have been assigned a new person(actually a lady) and according to the administrator its one way of "trying to make me learn how to live with pple" and "know that the world can never always be mine"(how dubious). So this means my freedom and tranquility has been infringed (sp.) and the things I used to enjoy doing since I was alone, I can't do anymore.

Am having money issues and the funny thing is that I don't seem to be the only one. Tomorrow there will be a get together at coregroup and I voluteered to help in the kitchen, But am asking myself whether am doing this with something else in mind or is it that I have lots of time in my hands to do this.

On my way here this morning, I watched as pple go by in there automobiles and seemed to be enjoying themselves so much. This brought about so many other stuff, which I won't go into right now.

So with that I sign out.

Feeling like this

Still in the process of performing most of the changes that I had planned to implement one of them being putting my machine back to XP since there certain operations I need to perform, but I couldn't since I didn't have Xp. But now I have XP am sure I will be through by the end of this week. But I have to agree that Xp does have a nice interface though.

Today I don't I have much to say, but I really don't know what with with smartkid and bureaguy since they have been getting on my nerves for quite a while now and the more I have them around the more the 'familiarity contempt' continues to grow.

Late to work today, since there was so much jam and it was drizzling in the morning. I don't know what going on inside the MD's mind nowadays since whenever he looks at me, there seems to be something in his mind that he wants to reveal but is too lazy to say it.

I don't have much to say or reveal here today since I just seem to have no the insight or the words to express my true emotions nowadays. So with that let me just end this post.

Had to share this:

A Trip To The Doctor's Office


An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."


The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.



Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,

"Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

HaHa - What were you thinking?

IT'S ONE OF THOSE DAYS....


Its one of those days things happen to you that you never imagined could happen and also one of those days you do things, which before that you considered wild or too insane to do.

Its also one those days that certain people say stuff and you look at them and wonder where in the world were they all this time.

Its also one of the days where people do certain things to you and all you want to do is hug them, kiss them and not let them go and wish they to stay like this forever.

Its one of those days where you get to met people you have never met before and others you haven't met in quite a long time, and the strangers don't seem strange to you and you seem to be drawn to them by something even you can't say what it is (thats strange).

Its one of those days you get to feel good about yourself and for once not condemn yourself or hate your self for things you said, did, saw, the clothes you weared, the person you sat to next in the bus, the climate or the way you walked.

Its one of those days when you don't care what the world says and all you want to do is be yourself and be the best at what you do.

Its one of those days where you realize that even though you felt as no one loved you or cared about what you did and weren't even thankful for the work you did, all this time they were; its juts that they were too stubborn to admit it, but again when you look back at it, it was for your own good.

Its also one of those days when you discover that there is still some kindness (actually alot of it) left in this world, its just that we don't look deeper, or are too blinded by our selfishness to see it. But again you are reminded there is still some fake pple as well.

Its also one of those days you discover you can be creative and write something different in your blog that makes sense and makes you wnat to type even more.

Did I mention that its also one of those days you get to visit places you have never been before and you were fearful to do that in the beginning, but after gathering enough courage and asking God for guidance you get to find the place and you feel really good.

But all in all its one of those days, that it hits you that God still answers prayers, God still talks to people, that God has never forsaken you and God loves you so much and on top of that miracles do happen.

I need to go now

my bathtub 

me 

NEW STUFF

Yesterday I had the opportunity of buying some stuff online, which included:
a nice pair of casual shoes (aren't they nice) .

Abottonarsi Pants

And a jacket

The reason for all the excitiment is due to the fact that this was the first time I have done such a thing. I know its weird but there things which as much as I would want to, I don't think I have the courage to do.

So now I have a reason to go out and have fun this weekend, having gotten the stuff this morning.