Someone out there

You had gotten what you lust
I had given what you needed
I am the loser not giver

My heart had deceived my senses
My mind had ceased to function
At that moment
From the beginning
I was the disabled
You were the capable

The moment of pleasure
The instant of satisfaction
I had received
You had given
I have lost

The moment of intimacy
An instant of contentment
I had given
You had received
You have won

I thought that it was mutual
The emotions I harbor
I thought that it was communal
The passion of my desire
I thought it was romance
In fact just rendezvousing with the devil
It is just illusion
I am delusional

It felt so real
But fake was mocking
It felt so strong
But there was no foundation
It felt so cold
When the thought arises
It felt so detached
It was never reciprocated
I slept next to you
I will hide it in memory
I touched your bare skin
I shall pretend I never felt it
I heard your heartbeat
I will remember it like anybody’s
I have never lust
Now I have to believe I did

You had gotten what you coveted
I had given what you hankered
I am the mislaid
It is a given

My heart had granted me away
My mind had lost its logic
At that instant
Since its dawn
I was inoperative
You were functional

The reimbursement of passion
The refilling of pleasure
I had provided
You had attained
I am the omitted

The moment of association
An instant of bliss
I had attained
You had provided
You are the triumphant

I thought that it was mutual
The emotions I embraced
I thought that it was communal
The passion of my ambition
I thought it was romance
In fact just flirting with Lucifer
It is just misapprehension
I am deluded

It felt so real
When the truth now lingers
It felt so strong
When I feel the reparations
It felt so cold
When I pictured your face
It felt so distant
It was never apprehended

I slept in your arms
I will conceal it in memory
I hugged your cold body
I shall pretend I did not sleep
I heard your snores
I will remember it like anybody’s
I had tasted your lips
Yet it seems like I had kissed his