My views so far

Over the years I have come to develop faces, office face, home face, and even church face. All this because of the simple fact that I don't want pple to really know who I am inside and the person I can become. And this has made me more lonely, angry and fearful within to the extent I no longer know who I am from all this pretence and acting.

I sometimes ask myself whether the so called friends will still like to be around me (the word love has never being applicable to any of them), talk to me, associate with if they knew the kind of person I was inside, the person I wish I was, the things I think of, the things I wish I had or fantasize about and the dreams I dream.

For at times I even, scare myself just by searching with me and seeing what lies deep down in me. And from those short moments I have been around them and the fact thoughts they share with me I really doubt whether they can stand with me.

My greatest consolation comes from the fact that God choose to use me just the way I am and regardless of what I am, where I have been and the things I have done, He will still go ahead and accomplish His will and desire for my life.

But am saddened that most times I don't respond to Him as He was me too and I end up looking at other things instead of Him and running after the very things He has rescued me from. And this really makes me feel ashamed of my self and the promises I have made Him.

And with those words I end my...thology for today.