STAND TO BE COUNTED

I think destiny has choose me to be put in line, counted and taken to war; and what makes this more interesting is that the battle isn't with someone or with something else but with myself and the person inside me.

And if you ask me, this is what really bogs (sp.) me down and takes all my energy, strength and will from me. For the more I seem to fight this, the more I feel it feels like I don't know how to fight this war, or I don't have what it takes to be in this battle in the first place. To make matters worse the other me seems to become more powerful and dominating than before, which makes me question the role of this "baptism by fire" thing.

As I look outside, the 'battle field' I see the pple I know enjoying there lives so much and so well, which makes me ask why I had to go through this. As I walk with the so called friends, listen to their conversations, see the way they live, peep at their inner man I see they too struggle with there inner selves but they were never made to stand in line and be counted!

There are days I wish its all a dream, from which I will wake up and just blot out of my memory forever. Or it were a trap or a hole I was in from, which I can break free/ jump out and be free once more. But then I pinch myself and realize that its the reality and I realize that the dream is me.

I guess there is a greater lesson for me to learn from all this, in order to prepare me for a greater responsibility that lies up ahead in this journey called life.

And I as I write this, one question comes to mind; Am I fighting my own battle, and did I start this war that I seem to be fighting and is there really I war in the first place?

Goodnight!