MY LIFE SO FAR

It has been a long a tracious journey, which I can't gather enough words to even describe how it has been.

I feel am back to running again, with no knowledge of what am running away from nor running to. There have been times when the torments inside of me were so strong that I felt like crying and wishing that I were someone else, living in a different place, had different parents, different friends and my life was all different from what I have know.

There was a time I felt so low that I did something that I had promised God I won't do, and even after feeling sorry and guilty about it, I still went bact to doing it the next day.

The graduation was......just a graduation, I didn't invite anyone and even the guys I invited I did so out of just a desire to do so and not because I wanted them to enjoy the day with me, since even there was nothing to be enjoyed of the whole experience. I was so sad that day but if you looked at me, you would have thought I was the happiest person in the whole world; but if you looked inside you would have cried with me. I thinkl the person who saved the day was lydia whose family ended up welcoming me and allowing me to spend the day with them. This is not the first time someone who aint family have welcomed me so well into there lives and made me feel so welcomed than anyone I call 'family ' has done (I wonder whether its a lesson God is trying to teach me).

Honestly I feel good and great for not inviting the so called family at the graduation and not even mentioning about it to some of them. I wish you heard what Christine said, when she heard about it....as though I care what she has to say.

The exams are almost over but the practicals are already done (trust me what was hectic but all in all I managed...thanks to God). So that means the phase of starting to clean them has started but am trying to think of an alternative to this.

I have been sensing a lot of distancing from my collegues (I guess this distance is my own creation) which if you ask me has been attributed from the fact that I don't want anything to do with them. Giddy and bureau guy are still around, trying so had to 'decrease' their 'influence' and 'hold' over my life (I wish you just know what they drive me through) like I did the newspaper guy.

Talking of friends, I think this is the time to do a thorough phasing out of this so called 'friends' (this time I promise to do something about it....), a good example i s david who I discovered only wants me as a friend just for the fact I repair his machine (I guess when he sees he sees a computer), in fact of sunday the dude lied to me but I let him get away with it since I knew what I was up to.

As for James if there is a friendship I feel sorry for having made is this one, for it turned out exactly the opposite of what I had hoped and expected it would be and in the process I did so many things which When I think of I truly feel ashamed, embarrassed and taken for a ride (the last time I saw him he was suffering from a cupid attack...duff!).

Mike is all this pretenious and when I think of how I stoop low in order to feel welcomed by him, I feel so sad about my self and wonder what Is it that has made me to become like this and ask my self whether this is all worth it (I wish you couold hear what we talk when we met......so fake....)



Sunday wasn't an exception, went to church sat so close to brian and friends but at the same time sat too far. It really made me wonder whether he is just assuming me or really he doesn't remember me (I can't believe am back to this again), but all in all the preaching was awesome (trust me it was good), went to dc later but most of the guys I wanted to see weren't there. In the process of going home I borrowed a lift from Uncle P. (Which I later wished I hadn't).Spent later of the day Ironing and having a good time with my niece.

And thats a summary of how my times have been, my desires are still the same, my prayer has not changed and am trying to dream my dreams.