How am feeling

Funny enough I should be all excited and jolly that am graduating and the fact that I will be attending my first graduation in fact not as a spectator but as a graduant; but I will be lying.How ironic..

Am all 'depressed' and sad, and every now and then I keep asking myself why I did it. Knowing how much money I have spent on this thing the kind of things I have done in order to be able to attend and then this feeling...I just don't even know what to say.

Went for the reheasals (check sp.) first thing in the morning, which proved a rare opportunity of doing something quite different from the one am used to like going to town in the morning (but paid 40bob), went with a shuttle but using a different route and I can say that short experience (although sounds boring) was quite refreshing (I had actually forgot how it was going to town in the morning).

While in the mat waiting to go to juja I met Isaiah, edu and freda, which made the journey there fun and short (talking and joking with guys you know makes time to fly away faster) and when we alighted we met with moha, which even made the walking all exciting and fun (trust me the admin block is like 100 miles from the bus stop...and no this time I didn't decide to go with a bodaboda)

We finally made it to the main square but as usual the main thing didn't start until 3 hours later. But it was all nice seeing pple you have seen for like a whole two years (that long!) and other faces you haven't seen before (the place was full of life and pple)

In all this commotion, noise and excitiment I can truly tell you I onl;y felt lonely, afraid (guess that the pple just showed the no. am competing with) and all segregated. I saw tyrus but I did inside I felt like telling him off (I wish you saw How I tried to hug him), the other person was moha who couldn't stop talking, I think he too was going thro' was I too was going thro' but he didn't want to show it (but the guy is a true example of kindness), did I tell you the dude bought me tea and paid for me fare....He also took me out for lunch but the place was really not what I would call 'my idea eating place' so I pretended I was supposed to go somewhere else (I think He was offended..but what could I DO...)

I also saw where I will sit during the graduation (I pray that tomorrow will be one cloudy day...sincerly I do) and I can't imagine sitting there untill all the names have been read (we will be the last bunch).

On my way back I was trying to see the life outside and how pple are struggling to really make ends met (I wish you heard what another student who was before me was telling me and this old lady who got into the mat I was in and all she had was 10 bob which you could even see was painful for her to give out) and this just made me even more down than I was (no wonder the headache) and start asking even more questions.

Passed by solo's place but he wasn't there, the same with betty, but one thing I can conclude is that 'I don't miss town neither do I want to be associated with it in any way'; trust me the commotion, human traffic, pollution and noise.....I don't even want to say any more.

So tommorrow is the big day...I have only invited laz (I don't think I did it out of a true intention) and I still wonder whether its all that there is to it....

More tomorrow if God wills.